Are you constantly trying to please everyone, even at the cost of your own health and wellbeing? If so, it’s time to start finding ways to break free from this behavior and focus on yourself.
I have been working with a life coach (Kelly, who some of you have heard me speak about, she is quickly put-fantastic!), and this is one thing that we went through right off the hop. It turns out there’s a little (and sometimes a lot) of people pleasing in all of us. It was interesting to dig a little deeper through the different scenarios to see how I had based my decisions around other peoples feelings, while allowing myself to put my own wellbeing and feelings- completely on the back burner. ‘I’m being kind, selfless’ was the idea. However, people pleasing can have a negative effect on your overall health, and today my thoughts are the negative impact it can have when it comes to the twist of: weight loss.
You have to understand why you are people pleasing. Often this is due to anxiety or fear of rejection. Recognize that you don’t need anyone’s approval and that you can make decisions for yourself. It’s time to trust yourself and your decisions. Start by noticing when you are people pleasing and ask yourself why. Acknowledge the fear or anxiety that you are feeling, and then remind yourself that it is okay to make decisions without outside approval. Remind yourself that you are capable and strong enough to trust yourself and your decisions. This can be as simple as not wanting to reject someone’s hot chocolate or donut that the brought for you.. I hear this a lot as a personal trainer and coach “But Suzi bought it for me at work, and she’s a coworker so I didn’t want to hurt her feelings”.. “But I had to eat the pizza because that’s what my kids wanted for dinner and I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable by eating something else”. My questions to you are: 1.) Are your coworkers feelings about the donut and hot chocolate more important than the feelings you get when you look into the mirror and have a mental breakdown due to your lack of confidence that you have spoken to me about? 2.) Is that pizza and the thought of inconveniencing your family more important than the mobility of you tying your shoes comfortably to be able to play with them in the park after dinner? Does the pizza taste better than the feelings you feel of sitting on the bench because you can’t keep up with your children?
Ouch.
That’s the reality.
I’m not talking about having moderation days and making YOUR CHOICE when to make YOUR decisions.
I’m talking about the grimy people pleasing habits that we put other peoples feelings before our own, our own goals, our own agendas, routines– that we so badly need for ourselves, our health, both physical and mental. The freaking gift of food, is not worth the freedom that is on the other side of attaining your goals. Hurt some feelings, like you think you might. It’s okay. & chances are- if that person knew how important your goals are, they would completely understand. If they argue, and say ‘one won’t hurt’, that’s them putting not giving a shit about you or your goals. Definitely not worth it! Keep in mind, you can decline without trying to educate. Saying no thank you is complete, or saying ‘no thank you, I’m not having that right now or it doesn’t fit in my macros’ is kind too, but you don’t have to justify or give anyone a reason why you aren’t having whatever it is that you don’t want to have. I will say though- “I can’t have it but let me smell it” to act ‘holier than thou’ is also an example of things I hope I never have to witness again. Please don’t shove your nose in anybody’s cupcake at a special event.
Focus on building your self-confidence and self-esteem. Remind yourself of all the things that you have accomplished and all the great qualities that you have. When you start to feel anxious about making a decision, use this time to reflect on all the positive things about yourself. This will help you to make decisions from a place of strength and confidence.
Start setting boundaries with people. Instead of saying yes to everything, all the time, (like the donut, late nights, wine anybody?), learn to say no. This may take some time, but eventually you’ll start to feel more comfortable saying no and setting boundaries.
Focus on yourself and your goals. It’s difficult to make changes when you’re constantly trying to please everyone else. Make sure you’re taking the time to focus on your own mental and physical health. Exercise, get enough rest, and make sure you’re eating a nutritious diet.
Finally, don’t forget to reward yourself for your success. Celebrate your victories and accomplishments as you work towards your weight loss goals. Also- Be kind to yourself. It takes time to learn to trust yourself and your decisions. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you make a mistake or if you slip back into old people pleasing patterns. Something that Kelly and I spoke about has been the feelings of shame when you slip back into old patterns. I’ve been able to evaluate but acknowledge the progress I have made and remember that I am still learning.
Saying yes to everyone else too often can be detrimental to your health, especially when it comes to weight loss. If you feel like you’re constantly caring for others at the cost of your own wellbeing, it’s time to break free. Start by recognizing why you’re people pleasing, setting boundaries, and focusing on yourself. Use rewards to celebrate any successes you have on your weight loss journey.
Christina
The Transformation Station 